We are taking a break from our regularly scheduled creativity and witty banter to bring you this public service message. Next week, when we have returned to our regularly scheduled programming (read: school, diets, work, and other mundane tasks) We will also begin, hopefully, a regular schedule here at Less Cake {more frosting} as well.
Until then, I offer this:
I recently had the unfortunate experience to have someone make an unkind comment about me.
What? How could it be?
Well I guess it’s true. Every now and then someone has to say their nasty peace. And I guess then, they feel better.
At least I hope they do.
The only thing that really bothered me….. (because I actually have a pretty thick skin) was that this person had “assumed” something about my behavior that was completely INCORRECT and absolutely without merit. And had this person asked me personally….I would have been able to clear up their “assumption” in about 1.25 seconds.
It was completely bothering me that I was being mis-characterized because this person really didn’t have all (or ANY) of the facts.
The dictionary defines ASSUME:
as·sume /əˈso͞om/
Verb
1. Suppose to be the case, without proof:
I like the one about….
When you ASSUME
you make an ass out of “u” and “me”
It got me thinking about how often I do that, assume something about someone or some situation….without knowing the real facts.
And it’s A LOT!
Do you ever write an e-mail to someone, and they don’t respond?
I might assume:
- That they don’t like me
- That I did something to make them angry
- That they’re irresponsible
Do you ever meet someone and are less than impressed with their reception of you?
I might assume:
- That they think they’re better than me
- That they don’t like me
- That they are rude
Do you ever get overlooked for an invitation to something?
I might assume:
- That they hate me
- They think I’m not cool enough for them
- They are clique-ee
In reality none of these may be true. In fact they weren’t true.
- The e-mail: The gal had a MAJOR family emergency in which several of her family members were involved. She was overwhelmed, sad, and needed a friend. Not a lecture.
- The introduction: The girl was PETRIFIED of the event she was attending. And beyond shy. She was just trying to not have a panic attack.
- The invitation: The person in charge didn’t KNOW she hadn’t invited me. And in fact was MORTIFIED that I was overlooked.
In short, all of my assumptions were completely wrong. And actually, had I gotten my stupid arrogance in check, and just asked…..I could have cleared most of it up. In fact, I could have been a help to these people. Instead of hating them silently.
Granted, there are nasty people in this world. And a few of them will do things just to be malicious and mean. But truly….that’s just not MOST people’s nature.
I want to ASSUME the best in people.
Actually, I just want to EXPECT the best in them.
And then if something else happens, and people prove to be less than well intentioned, I’ll just know that individual might not be someone I’ll put a lot of effort toward in the future.
You never know what’s going on behind closed doors. And unless you ask. You really shouldn’t assume.
My sweet friends who have asked….”Is something going on, we haven’t seen you for a long time.” Or, “did you remember you promised a guest post for me? Do you need to cancel it?” Or, “How’s things at your house? And I want the truth!”
Oh my! How completely invaluable those people are.
I want to do a lot less “ASSUMING” and a lot more “ACCEPTING”.
So I’m just putting that out there.
Let’s stop trying to think the worst. And just expect the best.
People are really mostly good. And those that aren’t shouldn’t affect our ability to be our best.
Everybody has a story. And maybe knowing that story would explain why they act the way they do. Don’t assume their story. Try to learn it.
My story? It’s as long and complicated as anyone’s.
But the short one is….I want to be a good person.
And I’m not always.
But I really don’t want to be mean. Ever.
How ’bout you expect that I have the best of intentions, and I’ll expect the same from you!
Deal?
Then no one ends up with the whole “ASSUME” situation.
Lara Ellie G I love you.
This was a fantastic post, you are a wonderful person and I am so lucky to have you as a friend. You make me want to be a better person.
Love your guts (FOR REALZ)
Mandi
Awww….you know I love you too! And I idolize your house. So there’s that! Thanks for being my friend. Feeling is mutual.
This is why I love you! Or one of the many reasons! You are such a gifted writer! I totally agree to all you said and need to take your advice to heart…often
My dear Amy. You are one of my favorite people ever. And are so kind and awesome. Especially to me. It means a lot!
That was a fantastic post- I feel the same way. I like to think that everybody is doing/being the best they can possibly be in that moment. That said, I always wish and strive to be a better person
Love your name btw lol- not too many of us Lara’s out there
Hello? Lara’s are rare and AWESOME!!! And most people are just trying to be their best. It’s actually kind of awesome! Thanks for sharing.
This is such a valid and important reminder. I do a lot of assuming and I love what you wrote about expecting the best. Thank you.
You bet! Thanks for reading.
This post spoke straight to my heart today. Thank you for putting into words what I didn’t know I was feeling today! I am posting a link to this post on my facebook for my friends to see!
Oh how nice! I actually wrote it mostly as a reminder to me. But I’m so glad you could use it too. Thanks Shawn!
What a wonderful post! It’s hard to not be so caught up in ourselves and realize that maybe the other person has something going on that would lead to a completely different conclusion.
Right? That’s EXACTLY it! Just good to take a minute in the other person’s shoes. Thanks Mellisa!
Beyond “well said.” Thanks so much for today’s reality check! You rock!
Wow… very eloquently put, and so true. I find myself assuming things all the time… and I almost immediately jump to (incorrect) conclusions, just like you said. You’ve given me food for thought… thank you!
I love this post. I assume more often than I should and then am mortified to realize that I was totally way off base. This is such a valuable lesson in life and communication that we all need to learn. Thanks for sharing!
I used your advice in the five minutes after reading it! Most valuable! And, YES, no meanies!!
That’s awesome, Mitra! I’ve been paying more attention too and realizing that I assume things everyday. Crazy!
Well said. It is very easy for folks to jump to conclusions about each other… especially in an online world!
I think Plato said it best: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
You just never know – and when in doubt, just be nice!
I love that saying, Madigan! And online is definitely a sneaky culprit. Thanks for sharing that quote with me. I’m going to remember it.
Loved the post! Great reminder. I love the sprinkling of insights you add to your creative posts. It’s what makes me love your blog. And I know I’ve mentioned it before, but I don’t normally love blogs but your blog is so honest it’s hard not to love.
What a lovely compliment, Amy. Really. That is so nice. It means a lot to me that you say that.
Ooooooooh, I LOVE this post – I can so relate! I’m guilty of making assumptions for sure. My issue lies in the fact that my expectations of people are always super-high, which is good to some extent, but usually in the end, I am the one who ends up disappointed. Who am I to demand that these people meet MY expectations? I’ve been trying to become more accepting and not make snap assumptions of others – great post!! Thanks for the reminder
Lindsay
You are awesomesauce. I had a real life friend decide I was passive-aggressive after we had some online interaction, which made my husband bust a gut because while I’m not a very aggressive person, when I am, you’re not left wondering what I meant ‘by that.’ Anyways, long story short, I tried to patch it up and every time I was kind to her she decided I was being passive aggressive, and eventually I just informed her that if she wanted to talk about anything more serious than the weather then we could meet in person over coffee! Some people should not be allowed to use the internet, and I am actually thinking more the people that overthink everything in a semi-paranoid fashion more than anything else; it’s like having an alcoholic run a liquor store!
An alcoholic running a liquor store? That’s gold! It’s always better to talk about things. Right? It usually clears everything up!
Yes, I agree!!!!!!!!!! And my mom’s name is Laura. So not that big of a difference.
Such a great point, thanks for the reminder. I hate that someone was rude to you.
This SOOO needs to be a printable!
Oh, don’t you worry. It’s good for me sometimes. I learned a really good lesson from her. Maybe I should thank her for being less than nice.
Hey Lara,
Because I agree with everything you write in all your posts (and because you have a kickin hair style!), I am going to make one last assumption. I assume that if I ever met you in real life, I would adore you just as much in person. There. I am DONE assuming. Love ya girl!
That’s funny, Rene. What if you assume wrong? {tee hee} This made me smile. Thanks!
I’m with you, Lara! About the being irked about others’ assumptions AND about realizing I do it too often. Eesh. And did you know that when I was dating my hubby, he’d never heard that phrase? One night I did the whole, “and you know what assuming does!” Thing and he was like, “Uhhhhh….” he had no clue what I was talking about. So I had to introduce him to the “Makes an ass out of u and me” thing…
Thank you for sharing this, and your heart. This is exactly what I needed today!! Thanks for sharing.
Wow. I LOVE you! You are seriously the best, and unfortunately, it’s sad that SOO many people {including myself} assume and judge! And it’s so stinkin’ prevalent among us mormons, which is even more sad. Any who, I’ve tried to do just as you said and not assume and life is SOO much better when you do that. So well written, my friend!
Thanks Kristyn! And I do think sometimes it’s worse among friends. Isn’t that sad? I’m gonna keep working on it for sure!
You are amazing. Thanks for such an eloquent post. You have written when I have thought so often. I love that you are making this blogging world a better place and I feel so happy that you are my friend.
xoxoxoxo
Jen
Awwww……you are amazing. I think I kind of assumed that we could be friends! Was that wrong? Ooops! Best assumption I’ve ever made.
Love you!
I too needed this today! Thank you!
Oh my goodness! I had my feelings hurt so terribly this past week because I ASSUMED and totally jumped to conclusions. Once I heard the full story I felt really bad that I had over reacted. Not to mention I think I hurt other’s people’s feelings because of it! And you’re right….most people don’t TRY to be mean. I have to tell myself that all the time. And …it’s my choice if I want to be offended! Nice post!
Ummmm…..hello? you are one of the best people EVER at just saying something to clear up assumptions. I learned this lesson FROM YOU!! You are amazing. And you should never forget that.
Hello! First time visitor today. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this! I’ve been in the midst of trying to host a blog-warming (launch) party this week, and the lack of (assumed) kindness I’ve received has sent me reeling. I have assumed the worst of people, and have been hurt by the lack of e-mail responses, by the many comments I leave that go unanswered, by the general lack of “Good Samaritan-ism” that I’ve found among bloggers (especially the “IN” crowd). Thank you so much for reminding me that all I have done is assume… that (more than likely) the world doesn’t hate me, and that my blog will not be a miserable failure. This post has set my attitude on a higher road today!
Oh Kristin! Believe me, I’ve been there. And still find myself there frequently. Just keep doing things from a genuine place in your heart. And you will find peace there. Regardless of what others do (or don’t do). Blogging that comes from the heart is ALWAYS successful. I promise. And best of luck to you on your new journey!
I’ve never heard that “Ass of of U & Me” quote before but I have to say – it’s becoming an instant favorite. Its inherent to assume things and even though I’m not proud of it, I’ve assumed things much more than I should. Thanks for this post – its good to put yourself in check and ask yourself if you can do better. I’ll definitely keep this in mind more often.
I can honestly say that I’ve been in the situation of having an event and mistakenly overlooking people. It makes me feel awful that someone who would have wanted to be present was overlooked, and I try really hard not to do it. But it does happen.
I absolutely LOVE this post! Though I try not to “assume,” it’s definitely hard in certain situations, most of them where I’m questioning myself (i.e., I’m insecure). In my old age–and with lots of experience with emails being misread–I am getting better. Practice makes perfect, right?
Me too, Emily! Lots of times it’s me. In fact most of the time. And let’s invent a “this is sarcasm” app for e-mails or “interpret the tone of this”. We could be ba-jillionaires.
This is just what I needed. A colleague and I were just having this conversation last week about trying to not to assume that people’s intentions are negative and this is just perfect to post and remind me. Thank you for posting this.
I. LOVE. THIS. POST.
The end.
Ummmm……did you ACTUALLY come to my blog and read one of my posts? I just died a little. (in the most fantastically, heavenly way ever!) Thank you so much Cheryl! I’m such a HUGE FAN! You are amazing! And you just made my day!!
oh my heck girl!! YOU made MY day!!
sorry I can’t get around to read/comment as much as I’d like. but I love what you are doing!!
My friend Cheryl sent me over here to give this a read and I’m so glad she did. I really needed to hear this today!
Wow! I’m so glad she did. I love that you came. And I too need this reminder. Almost every day. Have a great one!
What a great post and so very very true!!!
Beautifully said. Thank you… <3
LOVE IT!! Thank you – and re-facebooking!!
Wow, I am not the only one. I also was torn to pieces by someone who didn’t know anything about me and my husband and started telling us off on FB by saying she was venting. When I read what she wrote I felt horrible because I was unaware what was going on between her and my husbands business transactions. I was surprised. I am the last person to turn my back on anyone and I am the first to swallow my pride when it comes to apologizing. I hope she has peace with all that she was assuming!
Very right on. Thank you…I recently had this happen to me and like you, things usually don’t really bother me. But this time it really did hurt because I love and respect this person. Hope things are better for you now.
Great reminders for everyone! I think we are all guilty of this at some point. Thanks!
Hi there! This is my first time to your site and what a fantastic post I landed on. Powerful words lady.
I’m very glad to have found you!
Love this!! Like you I also just expect the best of people. You really never can know something is true unless they tell you….so anything else is just an assumption. So glad I stumbled onto your site.
love this post….I think we all need to print it out and hang it on our refrigerators!
I’m sorry someone was unkind to you, but a great post came out of it!
I am going to keep this one somewhere I will remember it…
I want to do a lot less “ASSUMING” and a lot more “ACCEPTING”.
This is a great post & something that’s very important to keep in mind! Thank you!!!!