I’ve written this post in my head a hundred times. And went back and forth as to “should I write this?” “should I not?”
I decided to write it.
But now I kinda am wondering how to say it.
Breathe.
Dear Forrest Gump….help me out buddy….
“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get.”
I’m no different than any of you.
Life is hard sometimes.
Sometimes you’re born with really big boobs. And super curly hair. And that seems like the hardest thing ever.
Sometimes your dad dies when you are little. And that seems hard.
Sometimes it’s Thursday. And that seems like the most daunting thing in the entire world.
We each have our things. Things that seem almost too much to bare sometimes.
I look at some of my dear sweet friends, who’ve had to bury babies they never got to sing to.
Some friends who battle disease, when it’s just not fair.
Others who raise special little spirits on this earth that are trapped in bodies they didn’t ask for.
My Mom, who had to say goodbye to two infants and her husband all before she was my age.
And I think, “gosh I’m super glad those aren’t the things I have to bare. I could never do that.”
10 years ago I was expecting my first child. A boy. I was so excited, and FAT! And pretty whiny about all the things that come with pregnancy.
His delivery was a little early. No biggie.
He didn’t want to come out though. He was stubborn. I was not stretchy. He wasn’t breathing. I wasn’t breathing. My epidural decided it would rather not assist me. It was pretty much a battle.
It didn’t seem like a big deal. It hurt like no other pain I’ve ever felt or imagined. But so what? He was healthy. We found it kind of odd that it took 3 hours to get everything stitched back to normal. But what did we know?
The next day when nurses were coming in and asking if they could just take a peek at my nether-reigon….I’m talking off duty nurses….I thought it was kinda weird. Whatever. We finally asked one…”what is it exactly that you want to see?”
Oh gosh. That was when my life changed. Forever.
You don’t want details.
Trust me.
What actually had happened to me….you can’t even google. Like, I’ve tried. There just isn’t any information that details exactly what had happened.
But in a nutshell, I tore from one end through the other. Up, down, side-ways AND through. It’s called a 4th degree tear. Mostly because there’s no such thing as a 5th degree.
The result? Well, it was years of Depends. Embarrassing situations. Not being able to sit in one spot for more than about 20 minutes. And tears. Lots of tears.
After 6 years, we were able to have surgery to repair the damage. It was intense. A year and a half to full recovery. It was ugly. And painful.
But FINALLY….FINALLY I felt like a new woman. I wasn’t pooping my pants. (yes, I said poop) I could sit on the floor and play with my kids. I decided to get in shape and lost about 40 lbs.
That was about the time I felt like a million bucks. And about the time that I decided to start Less Cake {more frosting}. I felt whole. And healthy. And ready to show the world that I was actually a VERY different person than I had been for the last 7 years. I was creative, and fun, and sassy.
I liked that girl.
About 6 months ago, I started having some odd feelings. Some weird pain. Symptoms that I was NOT ready to welcome back into my life.
And now, 6 months later, it’s my unfortunate privilege to embrace this issue again.
Full on.
Why would I EVER tell you, publicly, about pooping my pants?
Hmmmm….honestly, I have NO IDEA!
I am just following a super strong feeling that I need to tell you.
I need to tell you:
Don’t ever let anyone make you feel “less than”.
Don’t ever compare your life to theirs.
You are doing the very best with the cards you’ve been dealt. So are they!
And for all you know….that person wears Depends and poops her pants. {tee hee}
All we can do is love each other.
And laugh.
(although delicately….because laughter makes all KINDS of messes for me) Ha!
Laughter is the best.
‘Member that part in Steel Magnolias when they say,
“laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.”
It’s probably my favorite emotion too.
As you may have noticed, my Depends have become a pretty consistent joke at my house.
Sometimes it’s just hysterical. And sometimes I laugh while I cry.
(like the one time when this SNL Commercial spoof came on. A Commercial for “Oops I crapped my pants” adult diapers. And I was CRYING from laughter, and pain, and in case you were wondering. Yes. I did.)
NOW WHAT??
- Well, I am not going to be able to be here at LCMF as much as I’d like to be. I have weekly and sometimes bi-weekly Dr. appointments on the horizon. At this point I can’t do a ton of physical stuff, and I get tired SO easy. There’s probably some surgeries on the way as well.
- I don’t plan on quitting. Or leaving. You might not get AS many LCMF projects. Maybe a couple more “here’s what I’m thinking” kind of posts. I’ll be all over FB and Twitter to talk whenever you want.
- I’ll still be attending and speaking at SNAP! the conference in April. (and FOR REAL that’s gonna be so fun. I hear there are a couple tickets left….so get over there and buy yours!)
- There should still be plenty of PRINTABLE FUN because I can work on that while resting in bed. Ahhh…the delight of the modern day.
- Plan on some fairly intense Diet Coke consumption. However, how is that any different from any other day? It’s not. But it’s for sure not changing…so…worth mentioning.
I want to do this different this time.
Do I feel picked on? You betcha. I do. I’m sad.
But I gotta believe that there’s things I can learn and things I can do better.
People who I can meet or help.
Things I need to say. Things I need to know.
Strength I need to find.
Flaws I need to leave.
So I’m just sending out a prayer, that whatever it is that I CAN learn from this…let me learn it. Whatever I can do to be more like the person I ought to be….let me do it.
And please, if you have any goodness in your soul….
if you see me running to the potty….just let me go.
I promise it will be beneficial for both of us.
I love you more than ever. What’s a package of Depends between friends, really? Also, I’d be happy to schedule weekly play dates with your 4YO at my house. My 4YO would be in heaven. Oh, and Diet Coke runs? I’m all over that! xoxo
Lara.
Dude. I dont think that there is anyone in this whole world who could have made me laugh and cry while you are talking about poo. You are amazing. I am so grateful that you are my friend. I love you and your bum to death.
xoxo
Mands
You made me cry. And I hate crying. But I absolutely love you. You might have been feeling the need to write this for little ol’ me. Because while our challenges are very different, I am feeling the same as you. I am feeling picked on. Sad. Overwhelmed. But I hope that I can learn whatever I’m supposed to. So I really really really appreciate that at 11:22pm I can sit in front of my computer and know that I’m not alone.
I know the next while will be extra hard for you. Let me know when you need something, anything from me. Not just saying that….
I love that as I read this whole post I could actually hear you saying it to me. Only wish we were hanging out- laughing and crying while eating treats. That sounds heavenly right about now.
Miss you and all that other gushy stuff, Butter Balls. xoxoxo
My dearest Lara. We may miss some of your more non-crafty, crafts more than humanly imaginable, but I maintain it is your writing that endears us all too you. You have a talent. An ability to share well, let’s be honest, awkward topics like pooping your pants in an amazingly real and totally suitable way. I would kill for what you’ve got sister.
Beyond that, I just want to tell you how much I love you. You have been there for me through thick and thin. You’ve laughed at the hilarity of situations and been there for me when I was low. You know more about me than nearly everyone I have ever met.
You are one of the reasons I will never, ever regret this crazy adventure called SNAP!
I think maybe it’s about my turn to take care of you…I am sincerely at your beck and call. For reals.
Oh how I love you, Lara.
How is it that you can make us all laugh and cry at the same time. I’m sad for you. I hate that you have to deal with this when I know your spirit would be going 100 miles a minute. Thank heavens for “teh internets” that I can still get my daily hilarious Lara FB updates and your so stylish downloads. I want to be there for you like you have been there for me.
Seriously, just your little messages to me on Facebook kept my spirits up when I was at my lowest. You are one of the sweetest people I know. We are all here for you.
PS. I laughed when you referenced Steal Magnolias. I LOVE that scene. “Hit Wheeza!” So funny!
Oh my gosh, I don’t know you but I feel we would be great friends. I am reading your post because I stumbled across it when I should be asleep. I pray for comfort and peace of mind for you. Your honesty and sincerity is obviously a gift. I can’t wait to read your blog as you go through this journey. It is an inspiration and encouragement to this teacher in Ga. Thank you for reminding me not to ever give up.
Lara, I read your post as I was intrigued by what you would really, really need to talk about that you wouldn’t normally. I thought I had it bad to have 2nd degree tears (front and back), none of my friends thought that could happen, so 4th degree must have been horrendous. Just when you think your life was back on track, it makes another appearance. From reading your post and blog, you WILL get through this. Hang in there and do what you need to do, for you. Friends that you know and friends that you’ve never met (like me) are all sending you their best wishes and thoughts and prayers. Sam xx
Lara, is it weird that I don’t know you but I love you? I love your blog and think you’re hilarious. I love you even more now. You are so brave and you seem to be handling this with humor and grace. Most of us mommies can say that we would do anything for our children, but now you can say, “no really, I mean ANYTHING…”. I’ll be praying for healing and patience and for you to come out of this at the end (the other end, heehee) feeling like you are strong and healed and ready for anything. God Bless!
I am so sorry you are going through this!!!
So sorry that this is making a comeback. You are amazing! You are one of those people that everyone loves and wishes they could be more like. I smile whenever I think about almost anything from that first year of college. Hang in there, and keep writing please
Oh Lara! Only you could write this post and I totally mean that as a compliment. As I’ve said before, you have such a gift to reach out and connect with people. Very few people let their guard down and open their heart like you. I think you are awesome and strong and beautiful. Thanks for sharing so much with us….really.
Lara!! I only met you for a short time and I was sad we didn’t get to know each other better. Because clearly I was missing out!! You are such an amazing writer and I’m so glad you’re so open and honest with your blog–it takes guts to do that. I’m so sorry about this hard time for you though, what a crappy thing…literally. I can’t wait to hear you speak at SNAP! and hopefully talk to you more. Thanks for your funny FB updates in the meantime tho. I love ya!!!
You are a gem! And if Jem were still cool you would be her too in her 80′s coolness! I look up to you in so many ways and this is a perfect example of why. You are so real and genuine and I agree whole heartedly with the others comments. You are someone I look up to for your courage, humor, writing abilities, creative talents…and yes…your gorgeous hair
! Love you!
Lara, you’re an amazing girl. I love you to death and your sense of humor. You are so strong and such a great example of being the best you can be in any situation. I’m sorry you’re having to suffer through this again. I’ll be thinking of you (but not your depends). I can’t wait to see you at SNAP!
You are one strong woman!!! I know you are having hard time, but you are helping (us) a lot of people through your experiences and your WAY TO BE specially.. Thanks for being like you are!!!
Dude… I super like you. And poop happens. Just be sure to have a wipey available when it does.
Oh darlin. That sounds awful, and I can’t even imagine. But is it weird that I like you even more now? Because not only are you creative, you’re also brave and amazing and I truly hope things get figured out right quick.
You are an open share-er and I love that about you!
Love you.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: EVERYONE has crap…no better, no worse…just different. And yours happens to be actual crap. Mine’s more urine and Asperger-y, but it’s still crap.
XOXOXO
I’m sorry my friend… I’ll be wishing a “god speed” for sure…
XOXOXO
Lara!! You seriously are so amazing! Only you could write a post about poop and make it fabulous!
I look up to you sooo much and am so honored to call you friend. I love your reference to Steel Magnolias, it reminded me of a clip from there that I love where the mom is crying one second then laughing the next, its such a real representation of life and the trials we face. I posted about it a few years ago when I was going through a particularly hard time: http://bloom-where-planted.blogspot.com/2009/04/tribute-to-real-life-steel-magnolias.html
You are amazing! Please let me know if I can ever do anything for you, for reals.
You totally made me cry. You just don’t know what the person next to you or on the blog you read, are going through. Thank you for being so open and sharing. My prayers are with you!
I love your blog- and think you’re amazing to handle things with such a great strong positive attitude! Good luck with all the dr appts!
I remember you sharing this story with us in detail while in the backseat of our car during our first of many (and many more to come) fabulous excursions. I thought, man I’m glad she likes and trusts us enough to share this with us! I’m so sad you have to go through this again! I don’t know who else who could write about poop and end up more endearing and lovable after!! You definitely have a talent with words, and I am so happy to call you my friend. Please let me know what I can do help, you know we are here for you no matter what!!
Lara you’ve got a lot of people who love you who don’t even know you personally and I am one of those! I love you for how you are such a great friend to my sister and now I love you for the brave, wonderful mother that you are! Will was definitely worth it wasn’t he?:) We’ll all keep you in our thoughts and prayers and will wait for the news that you are healing well. Keep up the smiles and know you have a lot of people rooting for you to beat this but will love you just the same if it takes a long time! Hugs!
Lara. You know I already think you are a Rockstar! And well, sometimes Rockstars wear depends. I wouldn’t be surprised if Steven Tyler does too! While your creative posts will certainly be missed, I have to admit I love your “Here is what I am thinking” Posts just as much… if not more! You have a way with words, that I could only dream of having. ♥DavesWife
I love you and I love the honesty of the post! You deserve the best support team ever and you will get it (and me!). You are wonderful!!
Not fun. Not cool for you. I’ve always maintained that having baby is the most bizarre, unnatural thing we can do to our body. Babies are awesome, don’t get me wrong, but unless we’re Elastigirl, it’s kinda brutal.
Take it easy, be brave! Can’t wait to see you at Snap. I loved sitting at your table last year at the Creative Estates’ dinner.
I just realized when I finished reading, that I was clenching all my bottom muscles and holding myself kind of off my seat, ready for massive amounts of pain.
Oh girl, I’m sorry. I thought my 3rd degree tear was bad. (Did you know if they sew you up wrong then it will create cysts in the folds of your skin? I found that out with my 2nd child.)
Ooh I hope this gets better for you SOON! Hugs.
Oh friend. I can see why you feel picked on! Life certainly isn’t fair, but wow – what an attitude you have. And to share it with all of us, we could call that brave, couldn’t we? Sorry that you have to go through this – anytime you need a Diet Coke and a sugary pick me up, I’m your gal! xoxo
I just found your blog AND LOVE IT. I love your creativity and your honesty. I wish you a speedy recovery with everything you’re going through! Thanks for sharing because now I know I will never have a baby!
Your honesty and strength is absolutely amazing! You are so right about everyone having their own struggles. Life is tough, and no one’s is perfect. Reading honest posts like this gives me the courage and the right perspective to face my own struggles. Thank you for that! You will be in my prayers.
And this, my dear, is why I adore you! Yup! Thursday can suck!
I am sitting here in total awe of your ability to be so wonderful! It’s not surprising, let’s face it…you rock! I knew that from day 1 when i sat across from you with my jaw resting on IHOPS table as you told me your story! I knew then we’d be forever friends! I love your guts! I think you’re rad! End of story!
i, am so sorry this is happening to you. its really rotten when the bottom falls out on us. i only have one problem w/ all of this, diet coke REALLY!? pepsi all the way.
You are so brave sharing your story and I am glad you did because it has touched my heart. I too tore quite badly with my first but wow, nothing like you have gone through. I remember the pain with what I had so I can only imagine how hard it has been. I wish you all the best with the “next chapter” and you sound very strong so I am sure you will take it head on and come out the other end (sorry about the pun….lol) feeling a lot better. x
Love you Lara! Your blog is hands down my favorite and I read more than I’ll admit to. I admire your way with words, your honesty, and your sense of humor. You have a gift. Take it easy, be nice to yourself, but don’t stop writing. Even if your posts are few and far between, please keep writing.
Hey Girl! I can’t even explain all of my feelings with reading this post. I am actually crying right now…though I’m not sure why. I am embarrassed that I lived near you while a lot of this was going on before and had no idea
I have a few residual issues from my pregnancies…one in particular that I find frustrating and to be honest with you I think I’ve been feeling a little sorry for myself over it. This post felt like it was written for me. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and just deal with things the best I can.
Honestly, I like you even more after reading this.
Lara,
I’ve never met you, but I love to read your blog. I hope your doctors have some real solid help to give you and that this problem will be resolved for you finally. I think it is great you are talking about it. The less foreign this stuff is the less painful it is to go through. I have had issues from my pregnancies that I was so embarrassed of because I didn’t know anyone else ever suffered from them! When I finally sought help I was astounded to learn the stats on how many women are going through the same thing, and worse. You are not alone! We support and applaud you!
Oh, darlin. Just know that many of us go through similar stuff. Thank you for being brave enough to share. I’ll be thinking about you, wishing you a smooth recovery, and looking forward to those printables.
How amazing are you that you can write that and move so many untold strangers? Count me amongst them that are cheering for you and appreciative of your honesty, humor, and wit. Thanks for writing this – it moved me and certainly put some of my own heavy issues in perspective. I had a 3rd degree with my first. And my (doctor) brother’s only comment when he heard: ‘ it could have been worse – there IS such a thing as a 4th degree, ya know.’ Yeesh!! I know it doesn’t help, but i think you are truly inspiring and amazing. Just try to remember that part during the rough spots.
I am sending you many blessings your way. I pray that you have a speedy recovery.
I’m praying for you.
So I have to tell you first that I am sorry you are going through this. It sucks! I wish there was some way to help or make it better for you but I can see that you are facing it with courage and whatever optimism you can muster. I have to tell you that I am pretty proud of you. I know, sounds odd right? Well not really that odd once I explain why. My job is that of a case manager for families who have become homeless. Everyday I see strength and courage that just blows me away, but I also see those that give up and don’t try at all. It’s all about how we approach a situation that makes all the difference. It’s ok to be sad, discouraged, and even downright ticked off sometimes but you can’t let that decide your path. You can’t give those feelings the control.
I can see that you are the type of person who faces those feelings and says, “you don’t win” to them. This makes me proud of you! I don’t know you personally but I read this blog regularly and I think I have the right idea about the person you are. Anyone that can be so utterly honest about “pooping” their pants has to be brave and optimistic.
So really here is the moral of all this I have typed….I am proud of you even though I don’t know you, I believe in you and your ability to get through this even if you want to be sad or even mad at it on occasion. I hope that all the words of encouragement and support here will help you in your darkest moments, and I am sending all the love, support, understanding, empathy, and strength I can. So as lame as I sound, or odd if you so choose to look at it that way, I support you! I will hope you have a speedy recovery. Even though we are complete strangers, I am sending my love!
Lara,
You are so you and that is what I love about you. I love that you open your heart in such an honest and true way. Thank you so much for your post, for sharing with us, with me, with every women a piece of your life and heart. YOU ROCK!
Lara, You are amazing. As I sit here with tears streaming down my face, I’m in awe of your honesty and wonderful heart. My prayers are with you. All day I was upset because part of my fence fell down and being a widow on a limited income, I couldn’t think how I was ever going to fix it. Two lovely teenage girls passing by helped me right it and it’s in place for now. And then I read about your real crap! Thanks for sharing. Keep on writing when you can, especially when it helps. May you soon be feeling so much better. Love.
Dear miss Elle g. I love you more than words. Just send manny over anytime, I’m sure Luke would love it. Maybe when this Bum ordeal is solved we should celebrate with a trip to Disney, like last time!!! I’m a firm believer that Disney fixes everything, yes even bums.
PS look at all these people who love you, one day I hope to be cool like you.
YOU SO ROCK for posting this! And don’t think anything less. You ARE strong and you will get through this. I have only been on your blog a few weeks now and I am so inspired….and now even more. Please don’t stop doing what you love…where there is will, there is a way…I honestly believe that!!!! A dear friend of mine, Jodi, is fighting the battle for her life. She has cancer. But that hasn’t stopped her from meeting the president and shaking his hands, or going on the Ellen show, or giving out free ice cream on her birthday. She reminds me everyday to make the most of what we have…right now….cause really that is what matters most! She is kind and generous and wonderful…and you and your writing reminds me of her! Sending you warm get well wishes,! Looking forward to all you do create in the future!
Lara-
You have been on my favorite blog roll for as long as I can remember. I love reading everything that you post and hope that you know that we all are here for you. Your effervescent personality and unique writing style shine through in your blog, and although we may miss some of the crafty posts… what we would miss most is if you stopped writing all together. I look forward to seeing your creativity stretch in the printables and other things you can do while reserving your energy for other tasks with the family. Hopefully this will be a short path on your journey all the while knowing how many people care about you (even someone they have never met).
Hugs~ Julie
I have LOTS to say . but , I will just say – I am so sorry you have had to deal with this in your life. We are all here for you .
Kristin
Why do I feel so compelled to offer support to someone I don’t know? Because your blog pulls me into your life and makes me FEEl like I know you IRL! Blessings to you as you work to get your body healthy again. Sometimes life hands us crap (slight irony) to deal with, but it is humor and love for each other that pull us through. Hugs, girlie, stay strong and keep fighting. With Diet Coke, you’ll make it!!
Oh man! I still get occasional pain where my small scar is I can’t imagine how tough it must be for you. When you get to the physical therapy part of recovery ask your doc about using a magnetic therapy chair (if it hasn’t already been mentioned). If you’re a candidate it can be a good jump start on getting your pelvic floor stronger. (just don’t try it before all new stitches/wounds have healed)
It’s so great that you have a good humor about this. It’s strengthens the spirits of all of your readers!
You are AMAZING, and BRAVE, and clearly LOVED. TMI? I don’t think so. I think you just made a HUGE difference in the lives of a lot of women. Keep posting Lara (when you are up to it), you make a BIG impact on many people’s lives. “Take care of you”. (thought I’d add a Pretty Woman quote to your Steel Magnolia reference.)
I went through the same thing when I had my first child. The dr turned white after seeing what had happened after my daughter was taken to get examined. It was the most terrifying thing to be 21 years old and told that I would be going through the same terror and fear you are going through. Through the grace of whatever deity you believe in, I made a full recovery from it. Have faith and hang on sweetie. Your body needs you right now. I truly hope you realize how much love and support you have. Don’t be afraid to put it all out there if you feel you need to just get it off your chest! You are very brave and I commend you for that!!!
<3 keep on keeping on lady and feel better soon!
I Love you!!! I am late reading this because I am still trying to get caught up from being out of town, but I am kind of glad I am because I got to read all the amazing comments from others
You are very loved. You have the full support of all of us! And I love that you are so real with your readers. You have a God given ability to make other FEEL through your writing and your comments on others blogs. I will keep you in my prayers 
There is a book that popped into my head while reading this….
“Everyone Poops”
Nothing but love to you!
Oh, my friend (I call you that because, you know, I like to think that we are friends, even though we’ve never met and you probably would think I was a little unhinged if we did)….first, MAJOR props to you for talking about this kind of stuff. No one likes to be truthful about the aftermath of childbirth. I myself had a 3rd degree tear that was, in the words of my doctor, a hair’s width away from being 4th degree. My pelvic floor muscles are pretty much shot. (Sometime I’ll do my own blog post about jumping on my kids trampoline….um, bad idea….) You are not alone in these issues, and I KNOW that you talking about them has made someone else’s day better by letting them know that they are not alone.
Secondly…I looove your blog posts about your thoughts….your writing style truly shines in these, so I am delighted to hear that more of those may be forthcoming.
Lastly….although the poison of my personal choice is Diet. Mt. Dew, I SO get the diet soda addiction. Totally.
Hang in there and know that by talking about your situation you are helping many, many other women feel not so alone. And making us laugh, too. Laughing is important. I’ll just be sure to be wearing my Poise undergarment.
You poor baby! I’m so sorry you have to go through this again!
Just remember: everybody poops, and everyone who loves you, loves you even when you’re wearing depends.
I hope there’s a resolution to this problem and I hope you find some relief.
How can I thank you for writing this? My life has been difficult lately, and I have been so shook up that I haven’t even been writing, then I read this today. Thank you for helping me put things in perspective and for reminding me that we all walk a difficult road. Sometimes, we don’t even realize what people are going through, but that doesn’t make it less hard. I hope your surgeries go well and that you get some healing and hope from your courage. Thank you for sharing and for all that you write on this blog.
wow! You are amazing! and you are so right, one never really knows what other people are going through behind the scenes. Sending you good vibes that this time around isn’t as painful, that your recovery is quicker, and that you have more laughter than tears.
I couldn’t love you any more Lara. You are INCREDIBLE. I feel so blessed to have you as a friend in my life. Seriously.
Hannah is on board for as much free babysitting as possible. (she is hoping to get adopted into your amazing family). LOL
Love you!!!!!
xxooxoxo
Jen
Thank you for posting this. I follow your blog when I get a chance and your honesty is truly refreshing and enduring. Thank you for that and have a fabulous time at SNAP!!!! I wish all the best for you!!!
Sending more healing prayers your way. May God give you lots of doses of super natural strength to balance out your pain and tears. Love to you for sharing this difficult time. You are so inspiring!
Thanks for sharing! I had a 3rd degree tear with my first child 33 years ago! I can still feel it! I don’t have the severe side effects but at the time I didn’t know it was abnormal either. Bless you!
Sending lots of prayers your way. I had not seen your blog before today because Tater Tots and Jello posted something on FB. I’m sad that I just found you I’m sure I would love you. You are clearly an amazingly strong women with lots to teach. If nothing else I am sure that you sharing your story made someone else feel worlds better. God Bless you!
I heart you big time. LOVE actually. And I’m sad. And you are funny and beautiful and although you might be a bit smelly sometimes….I’ll still love you. Nothing wrong with that right? When I’m around you, I’ll just pass gas and ‘call it’! And I’ll keep you in my prayers.
We have a family song we sing…well we try to…but we mostly laugh. Dave plays the guitar…which he doesn’t really know how to play, but can pull it off and Kaia sings a little blues song and then Blake breaks out with….’I pooped my pants’…..because at almost 10 years old….he still does too. You are not alone my friend. And while we have bought the smallest depends on the market…they still go up to his armpits…so he is squeezing into pull ups still….but know that through laughter brings release and a family bonding. And we here, as readers are your family….which is why I laughed and cried reading this. Thank you for sharing your heart and TMI and know that you will serve a bigger pupose by doing so. Can’t wait to hug you at SNAP. And maybe you should just double up on the Depends when we hang out in the hotel room at night…cuz you KNOW there will be laughter!!
I applaud you for being brave enough to share that … I’m just sure that you’ve helped someone along the way. I pray that these days ahead will get easier for you.
Lara-
You are so incredible brave for sharing all of this with all of us! I applaud you and send you huge cyber hugs! And just know that all of your readers will be here to cheer for you, cry with you, and wait for when you feel able to post. We’re here… and we all adore you!
XOXOXO,
Sharon
Your blog is amazing. You are amazing. I just stumbled upon it and I’m engrossed. Your honesty is so refreshing. Thank you so much for sharing your story (although now I’m a little more scared to have kids… teehee
). You have such great writing. I think we would be fantastic friends 
I’ll be checking back very often!!
Oh girl Im so sorry. Incannot
I’m so sorry. What happened to you was the reason I was scared to have a natural birth. I cannot imagine what you’re going through. I’ll give you a big hug wheni meet you at Snap!!
You’re amazing! I’m a midwife so all at once i know what you’re saying and have no idea how you deal with something in your everyday life without falling in a heap! My mum tells me that while it’s so important to have compassion for the struggles ‘someone elses broken leg doesn’t make your broken wrist hurt any less’. All the best with your recovery, I hope it all goes well for you! Take care of yourself.
I agree with Tauni above, Lara: You, my dear, have truly got a gift. I just can’t imagine anyone else being able to share like you do in such an endearing, entirely relatable way. Thank you for opening up to all of us. You’ve got a long road ahead, but no doubt you will come out of this in your typical graceful, humorously fabulous fashion. I know I’m far away, but please know I am sending you all of the prayers and vibes for strength I can muster! Hugs!
Hey girly, take care and remember you are loved, no matter what! We will be here waiting whatever you post. I look forward to everything you post.
Also, never underestimate your abilities or your worth – even wearing depends you’re amazing! We all have something we are recovering or dealing with – yours is just extremely “crappy” …LOL.
After reading your blog – I feel almost like you and I would be friends in real life. Let’s chat sometime or better yet, do a collab together – visit me some time over at SassyGirlStudio.blogspot.com – I would love to get to know ya better.
Hugs and luv,
Andi
Lara, I would have bawled my eyes out but I was in a dr’s waiting room. I suffered a 4th degree cervical tear after 53 hours of labor with my second (V-BAC) who was scheduled for a c-section the very next day, but the hospital told me I couldn’t have it because “pain was no excuse for a c-section”. I also tore considerably but no one told me that. And they wouldn’t listen when I tried to tell them something was seriously wrong. They also wouldn’t send the mambo pads with me on the way home because “we reserve those for hemorrhaging patients.” There were 12 complications I experienced afterward (that’s a small area to have that many things to wrong….and they were all at once!). I spend many, many months in Depends with no bladder control what-so-ever and then about another 1/2 a year using catheters to pee.
In the hospital, my bowels also completely gave way (while I was arguing with an MD about why I did not want her student entourage using my daughter (in the Neonatal unit) as a guinea pig. I was shocked and had no idea that was even about to happen. I had no feeling at all.
I have a friend who experienced the something very similar as you. I believe, however, her bowels were actually seeping through her vagina.
So, I have been thinking of you non-stop and I feel for your sadness, bravery, hopelessness, positive attitude and all the mish-mosh of emotions that go along with such an awful, awful thing. If you ever want to talk, PLEASE, let’s do that.
A huge hug and all the best wishes in the world for a positive outcome.
Hang in there as best you can.
JULIE
Hi Lara,
I have been out of blogworld for a little while. Today, for whatever reason I logged into my old dashboard. Apparently at some point I signed on to follow your blog and so your post appeared in my feed. Having no clue and quiet honestly not having visited your blog for a reeeeaaaaalllllly long time, I clicked on the post. It’s hard to describe the range of emotions I feel as I read..stunning disbelief, heartbreak, inspiration, humility and yes, laughter (with you, not at you)… To say I admire your courageous transparency doesn’t come close to capturing it (and I can’t even really call myself your friend!) Those who know and love you must be unspeakably proud of you. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for daring to stare fear in the face and pour our your heart for all to see. I pray for that kind of fierce courage! Many of us can’t begin to imagine what it must be like to live with something like this on a daily basis. Please know I’m praying all goes well and that ultimately there will be complete restoration and healing to your body. Take care of you and thank you again, so very, very much.
Sweet blessings,
Tracy
Wow. And I though the universe was picking on me lately. I can’t even imagine how difficult that must be to have to endure all these years. Thank you for being brave enough to share with us. I don’t know if I would have the courage to expose that much of myself on such a public forum – it makes me love you and want to get to know you that much more. I appreciate your honesty and frankness. It is so refreshing in a day and age where so many people hide behind webs of lies. And your courage in the face of adversity gives me the courage to face my trials with a little bit more courage. So just know that if nothing else, the problems you are facing are helping many many people to face theirs too.
Dear sweet Ellie, I am so sorry you have to go through this. Your attitude is just as awesome as you are, so I know you’ll get through it. I just wish you didn’t have to. You really are amazing! Can’t wait to meet up with you at Snap. xoxo
Obviously there was a reason you were suppose to write this post. Look at all these comments!!! Glad you listened to your heart! It really is something I needed to read even though I didn’t even know it. Love ya! I’m so sorry you have to deal with more “crap” down the road but I know you will be fine! You have a husband that loves you and a wonderful family and lots of friends to lend plenty of support. Love ya lots! Keep us posted on what’s to come. Unless of course it’s TMI!
Then again…people tend to like TMI. It makes the rest of us feel normal!
That was poetic and very beautiful. You are right – we have NO IDEA what anyone else is going through. Thank you for having the courage to share with us.
wow. just…wow.
just adding my voice to the crowd to say you’re amazing. the amount anyone shares on a blog is a deeply personal decision–and no one could fault you for keeping this quiet. but being willing to share it is so brave. i’ve learned a huge lesson over the years–that honesty is the best policy. ha! genius, right? seriously though–there will always be someone dealing with something similar to you, or feeling the same way as you. and by being honest about what you’re dealing with–you just answered someone’s prayers.
so bravo to you.
YOU = amazing, strong, funny, damn cute, couragous, talented, beautiful.
Thank you for sharing. Sending TONS of prayers and well wishes for you and your beautiful family on your journey.
xoxo,
CJ Calderon
here—–hit whizy!
bless you, sweet girl. what a testimony you have with all these comments. i am so anxious to meet you at SNAP! i’ve seen pics where you are there to support friends or share something personal on your blog. you are obviously such a giving person.
hoping & prayinig things go quickly & mend quickly. we are all around supporting you!
big hugs!
kellie
You are so real and that’s what keeps me reading. We all have issues but just aren’t brave enough to share them. You are one a brave chicka!
Prayers and hugs for you and your family. Please keep us posted on you healthwise and not just project wise!
Oh sweet Lord! Thank you for being to honest and transparent, I’ve been going through a similar experience lately and have been feeling ashamed and hopeless. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
If I didn’t love them so much, I would slap my well-meaning friends who tell me to “just do your Kegals.” While I’m at it, I’d like to slap that Kegal guy too.
Hats off to you for your bravery and honesty. We never know what trials and tribulations fellow bloggers go thru until that TMI blog. From all the comments above you are not alone. My heart goes out to you and the others who have suffered with this problem.
I can’t imagine the pain and stress you’ve endured but my thoughts and prayers are with you during this struggle
You can’t scare me off I enjoy your attitude and creataivity.
It takes a lot of faith and courage to write something like this and I admire you for that. Hope this phase of pain passes soon for you and you feel better very soon. Hugs!
Thank you for posting! I also had a 4th degree tear and IT IS AWFUL. Although I don’t poo my pants, it sure is close. I never feel fresh and it is really annoying. I have some pain, but I never put it together until now. It’s been 6 years since my last child (and man, when I was prego’s with him, I did feel like I needed depends on all the time, all that extra pressure down there), but the odd thing is, no matter what I’ve said to the OB/GYN, they’ve never suggested I go see a dr. They just tell me to use wet wipes. Really? Thanks for your courage to share your story. I am making an appointment to see a specialist because at the age of 37, I really don’t think I want to depend on Depends. Your blog is great and I’ve enjoyed visiting here over the past 6 months or so. Thank you again.
Dearest Lara, I, too, have a chronic illness that keeps me pretty much in the house almost ALL of the time. I’m glad you wrote this post. First, because you have an incredible sense of humor and I am always in need of a laugh. Secondly, I believe this must have been very cathartic for you, because just “putting it out there” is the “lightest” way to live. Good for you girl, you’re gonna do alright!
Lara,
It takes a lot of courage to be raw, but it also takes hope. Hope that what we share when we are vulnerable and real with one person or many, would bless someone else. I sense that hope in you and that is what separates the women from the girls so to speak. While none of my four births have had complications, I know that all of us have something in our lives that we did, or are experiencing that is painful and hard to talk about. I thank you for being real. I have learned to decide what I consider success and ignore what the world says I should be. What you are is a wonderful example of grace under fire, class, and with close to 100 thankful comments, I SAY IF THIS IS TMI KEEP IT COMING! You are fabulous, your newer follower @ http://twelveoeight.blogspot.com/
Lara, I pretty much love your guts. More and more each time I come to your site. I should probably stop reading your rad posts before I turn into a stalker or something. You make me smile and laugh and you make me count my blessings. You are amazing and I’m glad I can call you my friend. Good luck on getting your lady parts put back together. And for reals my house is open for any and all trips to Phoenix. I mean it. XO
I’m new to your blog but I have to say you have an amazing attitude! I love you! I admire you. I’m scheduled for surgery on April 12th. A little back surgery and I’m scared to death. You’ve helped me put a different perspective on the whole trip. Am I still nervous? Yes! But if you can do what you’re doing to get on the better side of life, I can to. By golly, I can do it. I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers. Thanks for the attitude adjustment.
This is my first time visiting your blog and this happens to be the first post I read and you have an uncanny ability to make people laugh and cry ovet poop of all things.
I want to congratulate you on being transparent and sharing your story, I am sure you have helped someone along the way. I am in the process of being diagnosed with an auto immune disorder and one night my legs did something very weird and let me tell you it scared the pee out of me, literally, I peed on myself in the parking lot. Embarrassing yes, scary yes, but life none the less. I cried then made my doctor’s appointment and threw my clothes in the wash. My honey laughed but loves me all the same. Just as all the people in your life will do.
I pray that you are able to get surgey that will resolve your issues so you can get back to living your life.
Thanks for sharing.
Dude. We don’t know each other, but dang, you.are.awesome. You’re on my “blogs to read” list and as you can see I’m way behind as I am just now stumbling across this. I just want to let you know that I am in my office boo-hooing like a little school girl and I’m pretty certain that my coworkers think someone just died. I’m so sorry that this battle is yours to fight, but I feel confident that just by having the courage to post this, you have already helped more people than you know. I know I for one am cheering you on from afar and I’m gonna be praying for you sistah!
PS: I think poop is hilarious, so bring it on!
Elle…thank you for sharing…I cannot imagine what you’ve gone through–and continue to struggle with….the day-to-day dilemmas–not to mention having to deal with doctors today (who do NOT listen, who do NOT care, who do NOT…well, there are a few good ones-just haven’t met one recently…sigh) ANYWAY-I digress. All the comments? Because you shared? INCREDIBLE! There’s a whole ministry based on what you just did, ya know?! Stephen Ministry-non denominational, free, one-on-one people like you and me who have gone through heck and back-and survived—go through training (it’s all common sense stuff…) and we reach back when someone says, “hey, I need help”–we’ve been there-we share our story-we listen, cry, pray, encourage…just like you did here…YOU GO GIRL! So often…we think we’re the only ones going through thus and so—and suffer in silence…then somebody has the COURAGE to share…and BAM! We realize, hey, they know-they understand…and we learn and grow and move forward. PRAYERS for the next step in your healing journey…Blessings, Sharon
I cannot imagine the pain and struggle you have been going through the past 9+ years. You have. Wonderful support team of family and friends who love you. You have also touched many people through the blogging world who would ne willing to help their friend. As I was reading a thought came that I wanted to share. Last Spring for one of my BSN classes we needed to watch a PBS movie about women who have similar struggles. It’s a NOVA program called “A Walk to Beautiful”. There are many resources from the video that help someone understand your situation or one that is similar. I enjoyed your writing and the upbeat approach. The pain is there but also your humor. I hope your surgery goes well next week. Much love and prayers for you.
Shit happens. Clearly, you have the right attitude. Your writing is awesome. Judging by how far I had to scroll to leave this comment, you touched a lot of people. Wishing you the best…a successful surgery, a quick recovery, health and happiness.
Thank you for your story. I know that sometimes there are people that share too much over social media, but it is stories like yours that help me to have a better perspective on life. We each have our own struggles but it’s nice to know that people are there to help guide us through our trials. I’m so sorry that things are so uncomfortable but I hope and pray that the doctors will understand what they need to do to best help you in life. I’ve only been following a short time but thank you again for your story!