So this is my blog: Less Cake {more frosting}.
I started a family blog in 2007. And blogged on it once a week religiously for over 3 years. Usually it was family stuff. But sometimes it was just goofy stuff I wanted to say. Or stuff I made that I wanted to show off and have my Mom and sister tell me that I rock. (I make them do that a lot)
But in 2010 I kinda had a banner year. And I wanted to do something just for me. (and not have my kids on the internet so much) So the family blog became private and I started Less Cake {more frosting}.
You might be new to this blog and wondering why 2010 was so important to me. Or why I’m writing this post at all.
- I pretty much break it down in this post from almost EXACTLY a year ago: The One Where I Define TMI
Before that post. I was a regular “creative” blogger. I made stuff. I wrote a tutorial. I hoped someone would see it, or pin it, or whatever. I wrote anywhere from 3-5 times a week. And I made my family miserable with my obsession over e-mails and Facebook, and posting, and deadlines.
After that post. I got in bed. And pretty much stayed there. I got up sometimes. Went out sometimes. But by about 3pm I was in bed for sure.
I had my first major surgery in May. On my birthday.
That surgery? Not so much. I got WAY worse. I got in bed and didn’t get out unless it was for a doctor appointment, or to fly to Arizona to see my specialist team.
Another surgery in Arizona in September was also a great big bust. (the surgery was a bust….I also have a great big bust…but that’s a story for another day)
That left the big ‘ol doozie surgery. January 8th. In Arizona. 5 doctors. 7 hours, on a 45 degree angle (my hubs said you couldn’t see the bridge of my nose when I came out because my face was so swollen. They also had to cut off my wedding ring. Frownie face.)
So, I guess the “Elephant in the Room” is where the heck have ‘ya been? And are you better? And is LCMF over?
The short answers are:
- on drugs
- starting to
- not sure
I vowed at the beginning of this journey to do it right. To learn things to become better. And to “Choose Joy”, just like my bracelet says. (which I still wear every day….PS)
But when I came home from Arizona, after 2 weeks there, I got a horrible kidney infection. And was at the hospital for IV anti-biotics.
For some reason that last thing, that one little last slap in the face was all I could handle.
I told joy to get the hell out of my vocabulary because I was picked on. And this sucked. And I didn’t deserve it. And my life was ruined. And my kids were suffering. And my marriage would never be the same. And my friends had moved on. And I had now gained 80 pounds. (should I go on? I could)
I want to say that I had an immediate overwhelming moment where I found joy again. Right away. But that’s not how this story goes. I’ve felt that way for months. Lonely. Depressed. Overwhelmed. Picked on. Forgotten. Utterly alone.
Until just the other day when I remembered this quote. I’ve used it before. And I bet I’ll use it again.
“I have been driven many times to my knees
by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere to go.
My own wisdom,
and that of all about me,
seemed insufficient for the day.”
~Abraham Lincoln
I have to admit. This didn’t fix everything. But it did make my heart start to soften, back to the knowledge that I cannot do this on my own. I MUST trust in those around me, as well as those above me to traverse through this life challenge I have been given.
My Mom (who….well…one day I will write a post on and you will want to hug her and be her BFF for life) suggested I look up a short video on our church’s website. Now we may not be of the same faith. But if you believe in a God. You will benefit from this message. I promise. PLEASE take the time to watch it.
Our church has a conference every 6 months during which we get to hear from our leaders. Much as the Pope does periodically. This talk was given by Henry B. Eyring, one of those leaders. When I heard the talk initially, I KNEW in my heart that my trial was coming, and that it was going to be a big one.
My favorite quote from this section:
if the foundation of faith is not embedded in our hearts….
the power to endure will crumble.
–Henry B. Eyring
This quote applies to all of us. Of all faiths. Of no particular religion. We must have faith to endure this life. We must have faith in
- Ourselves
- Our families
- Our friends
- Those seen and unseen
I lost faith. That was the problem.
Is my ordeal over? No. But there are people around me who KNOW that being in bed for a whole year is a hard trial. I must have faith that they will continue to bear me up as I fight this battle.
I beg you to call upon your faith as well. Your joy. As you fight battles much harder than mine. Or maybe just different. We each have that one thing that we struggle with.
Now many of you know I live in the Salt Lake Valley in Utah. This is my home.
It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?
I am surrounded by gigantic mountains on all sides. I also grew up in a valley very similar. Just smaller. I am used to looking at mountains. (to be honest the ocean kinda scares me. There’s just water and water…eeek!)
The above video also mentions mountains….
I thought the mountain to climb was the surgery. But I’m thinking the mountain to climb, is back to a new life. And to succeed I must endure the climb.
I have no climbing gear people! I hate the outdoors! (Uh oh, some of you just unfriended me….right?) It’s true though. It makes you smell all….out-doors-ee. Gah!
I digress…
It’s gonna be awful hard to climb a mountain without gear. So I’m counting on:
- My Doctors
- My Friends
- My Family
- My Faith
- My Savior
To be my gear. And God willing, one day….this too shall pass. And then all I’ll be able to do is wait for the next test. Because there always is one….. in the class we call life.
Big hugs to you and prayers & good thoughts being sent your way. Hope you feel better soon in every way possible.
Aww.
Gentle hugs! I’m SO sorry for everything you’ve been going through, but especially the straw that broke the camel’s back after returning from Arizona. Since our visits while you were here, I think about (& pray for) you so often. I SO hope that the “starting to” feel better keeps on going and you just get better and better! 
Love her!
P.S. Your mom is totally awesome!
I don’t know why you were so sick for so long, but I do know that you have to deepen your faith, not just during trials but make it a permanent part of your life. This post was very honest, and I will be praying for you to feel better really soon! God Bless you and your wonderful family <3
I love you sweet friend. Hold on. There are angels, seen and unseen, watching over you.
Hi Lara! I hope you do know that people all over are thinking of you and praying for you. I often wonder how you’re doing and hope that things are getting even a little bit better, I so wish there was something tangible that I could do to cheer your day. Lots of Aussie love and hugs xo hang in there!
I hope you get better & stronger every day. Sometimes it takes awhile with a serious health problem. And it takes awhile to realize you can’t do it alone, especially if you are used to doing it for/by yourself. Take care.
Lara, My eyes are filled with tears as I read this. You have no idea how you will touch lives with these amazing words of your past despair, and discouragement, but with your words of love and hope you will fight on and help others do the same. It is on our knees we stand the tallest but sometimes it is difficult to get there! It is difficult to say we need help we are taught to be self reliant. Sometimes being self reliant is finally acknowledging as you have, that you need help and it is OK to need help. I thank our Heavenly Father that I was able to spend some amazing time with you and your Sweet Mother this past January and think of you both so often.
You have my thoughts and prayers as you continue to fight the good fight. My love is with you!! You are AMAZING!!
P.S. I know how it feels to gain weight and I was not confined to bed!! You are beautiful regardless do not let your weight define this. So many of us do.
God Bless you and your family. I pray that you will enjoy speedy and complete healing. I admire your choice to share your story. I am sure you have touched someone’s life in a very special way. You are a true Hero for that.
Oh, Lara. You are so amazing to put this all out there – the good, the bad, the sad…..I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through, and I can’t blame you one tiny bit for losing faith and feeling the way that you did. Anyone would. The incredible thing is that you have been able to recognize those feelings for what they are, and to fight your way back through this. I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to endure and will continue to endure; I’m so glad you have a good support system. Good luck friend…you’re going to come out on top of this! Hugs…xoxo
Lara, When I look at you I see strength and endurance. You are my hero for going through this past year. It is amazing where we can go to our lowest point and then see the light and know that our Savior is always there, he knows your pain and loves you!! Thank you for the update!
Lara, the best advice I’ve ever gotten, when dealing with a life changing event was: you have to allow yourself to grieve the loss of the life you had planned out in your head before/while you try to move on. That was my mountain after the trial was mostly over and I felt I had nowhere to go… The letting go of my plan in my head to accept the new reality before me. Some days it’s still a struggle.
Thank you for being you and sharing yourself with us. I pray for you often and have hoped you were doing well. I hope your support system will rally around you and you will recover swiftly. One day I’ll get to meet you IRL and thank you in person. You’re an inspiration.
I am sorry you are going through all this and will be keeping you in my prayers.
Lara, I am crying like a baby right now. That video was awesome ! We all need to be reminded of this message as we go through life. Please don’t feel alone. So many people are praying for your recovery. In the meantime, you continue to touch the hearts and lives of many people. I can only say I am so sorry you have to go through all of this. Stay strong and faithful.
I am dealing with a mole hill right now compared to your mountain. I met LCMF just about exactly one year ago and have thought about you and how you are doing. Best of luck with your climb and acclimating to the outdoors…Praying your team is all you need it to be and that your strength and endurance continues to grow.
Keep the faith! You are a remarkable person and I am sure that there are better days ahead. Thinking of you.
{{{hugs}}} to you and THANK YOU for always putting your subtle hilarity into everything that you write… even this… the baring of your soul. I love your blog and love you for your courage to persevere EVEN when you thought all was lost! This is inspirational to me b/c we have *all* experienced a low point… and b/c you are willing to share your feelings with us – and still inject your humor into your blogging – it shows the world that you are a fighter! You are a Believer! You will climb your mountain and be stronger on the other side. As a side note, I am *also* not an outdoorsy type, but married Mr. Outdoorsy and managed to produce a child together who has my creativity and passion for writing, but his love of the outdoor and adventure as well. I just can’t keep up with the two of them, either. LOL Prayers for your continued healing and please know that what you say here on your blog MAKES A DIFFERENCE to so many of us out here in the world of fellow bloggers and readers, alike.
~doreen at whereisyourhappyplace.blogspot.com
girl – glad to see you blog again – you can NOT give up! i know it sucks. i know it’s hard. I have been going through my ‘own things’ (surgeries/scares/etc.) this past 6 months (just had a MAJOR surgery 3 days after Christmas) & like you said it IS different but the “hell” we go through mentally is probably VERY similar. No one can prepare you for that – I get it. You feel alone. You feel like you are NOT the same person. When I came home after my surgery in Dec. I cried & just balled as soon as I walked in my house because I was NOT the same person. I did NOT have the same body. It sucked. But my FAITH is what gets me through every day. I have a few good days but most have been miserable – {keepin it real.} I have learned to “act” like everything is ok but then that is NOT healthy. So these last couple of weeks I feel my heart changing – getting softer . . .things getting a lil easier. It IS a sloooooooow process but keep your faith & HOPE in Him & we can do all things right? My word for this whole ordeal has been HOPE – I have HOPE necklaces, bracelets I’ve collected. . . anything that says HOPE has helped me through. And YES – feel free to use it too
It DOES help. Just keep doing what you are doing which is just waking up & trying to “be” everyday – that is all anyone expects at this point & that IS ok, alright? =) If you need to chat – email me as I feel for you right now girl & will keep you in my prayers! xoxo
You are simply amazing. I’ve been a follower of your blog for a long time and I feel honored that you shared your story with us. Take the time to do what is best for you. Putting yourself first is so very difficult. We will all be here for you whatever you decide to do.
The video you shared was beautiful. I received news yesterday that a college friend has to bury their 7 year old daughter. It breaks my heart to think about it. I could never imagine having to do that. I am sharing the video with her. I hope she finds comfort.
God bless you and may your mountain climb get easier. Enjoy the beauty that surrounds you every day.
Cindy
I don’t think I’ve ever commented on your blog, but have been following for quite a while now.. I’ve been going through health issues for right at 3 years now. The doctors don’t know what’s wrong and at times I’ve felt like I was just going to die and this was it. I’m a Christian and have always had a firm foundation in my faith, but this seriously has shook me to my core. Through everything I’ve gone through I’ve learned to trust Him more than ever, and I thought I had already trusted God with absolutely everything. It’s been a rough road and I still have days where I question why and when things will get better.. I do know that everything we go through has a purpose and we all come out stonger on the other side. You’re exactly right about when this trial ends, there will be something else. God’s trying to take us up that mountain to build our faith and trust in Him to accomplish whatever it is He has for us that lies ahead. At each level there will be something, but whatever you’ve gone through previously will help you get through it and onto the next level. I’m praying for you and I do hope that you’re encouraged and that God allows you to have that unspeakable peace and joy back in your life. You WILL get through this. If for nothing else, but for His name’s sake!
I am pretty new to your blog but I am touched by your story and your strength to face this. Wishing you the best.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, and just know that there are those who understand. While I haven’t experienced your trial exactly I was struck by a drunk driver while jogging 8 months ago and have been dealing with it everyday of my life since then. I haven’t had a pain free day in 8 months and it will likely be another year and half before I do. I can’t run, one of my very favorite things to do. And a lot of the time I can’t even walk. I spend a lot of days in bed with my legs covered in heating bags and the advil close at hand. I have gain 20 pounds and continue to gain because I have no way to exercise and no desire to diet.
Most days have an hour or two in tears, asking the Lord over and over again why this happened to me. But then I pick myself up again, thank the Lord that I don’t have cancer, or the autoimmune disease my sister has, or that I’m not paralyzed from my accident, or dead-as I should be.
But as difficult as this trial has been, and as much as I hate that for the rest of my life I will suffer the consequences of someone else’s choices, through my Savior I have been able to forgive the man who hit me. And in my deepest darkest hours I have felt not only the love of my savior and Heavenly Father but I have been surrounded by the people who love me who have passed on before me.
Our trials may be different but know that your are in my heart and my prayers. I hope you will attend SNAP again this year so we can meet, and so I can give you a giant hug!
Kari
Newlyweds on a Budget
I was lucky enough to come across your blog when i first discovered blogs about 2 years ago (yeah, I’m totally behind) You might think that it was your amazing ability to take a Hobby Lobby frame and turn it into something amazing that kept me reading. (which BTW- you are DEFINITELY one of the finest “project” bloggers I’ve encountered!) You know what? it wasn’t! Believe it or not, I was more impressed with the way you let yourself come across in your blog than anything. Yes I am crazy about all the projects you have done, but people like me stick around and become avid followers for more reasons than the projects that are shared. I’ll keep reading your blog as long as you have the strength to write, because there’s something about you and the way that you write that makes me want to read everything you write! I’m sure I’m not alone, so hang in there. Keep being real. Keep being YOU. Keep fighting. Strangers like me haven’t forgotten you so I’m sure your friends haven’t forgotten you either. Your 80 pound weight gain really speaks to me. Although my situation is not even remotely close to yours, I feel that my health was taken away from me by some health problems, and I’ve gained 80 pounds too. It’s taken me about 3 years to finally be OK with me, just the way I am. I’ll probably never lose those 80 pounds and sometimes that makes me want to jump off a cliff, but then I remember there is more to life than how much I weigh or how terrible I might look in skinny jeans LOL! You are beautiful and amazing, so hang in there. I’m cheering for you!
You can do it! That’s the amazing thing about friends, family and prayer because all put together they are an amazing force for getting us through many things. And the ones that we feel we can’t, we are carried, we are lifted, and we are loved by Heavenly Father and the Savior. Keep going!
sweet girl. keep your head up. you are in my prayers and you are so right about life. there is always something out on the horizon, but with faith and living each moment for joy (in whatever state that may come) we can get through life successfully and make a difference. you are amazing. always remember that!:)
I have no wise words. Just love and thankfulness to read this today. So many blessings to you, sweet lady.
Thank you for sharing such a hard part of your life with us. Hugs to you and prayers too.
Thank you for constantly keeping it real! I greatly appreciate your honesty and willingness to share your trial with others. It’s hard to put yourself out there and admit that it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. It’s okay to be down at times. And through your example people can learn how to work through those down times.
We can do hard things!
For a few years I had some internal struggles that made me feel like all I was doing was treading water. It felt like everything I did was simply to just keep my head above water. Life sucked but very few people knew I was struggling with my faith and when faith is in question the world around you feels like it’s ready to gobble you up. It took me three years to realize that all the while I was treading that scary water something miraculous was indeed happening. Some how, and I still can’t quite pin point what exactly changed, but one day all of a sudden I noticed I wasn’t treading water any more and all that treading had lead to strong legs that held me up and made it possible to move forward. I am still standing on those strong legs and thankfully so because life is still throwing me curve balls but I strongly believe that it took me all those years of struggle to get strong enough to hold me up today.
You are indeed going to be able to walk away from this trial with an amazing new strength that you never knew you were capable of having. It has taken time, pain and sacrifice. I have to believe that Heavenly Father is is right next to you holding your hand and helping you step closer to walking out of the waters you’ve been treading. Hold on, Lara! Keep kicking!
Ellie, I’ve read your blog here and there for the past little while, read that TMI post and several others. You may have lost your faith for a little while, but the important thing is that you knew where to go to find it again. You know who to lean on for support and strength and that is huge. I admire your desire to get through this challenge with joy, even if you lost that for awhile. I think we have all been there, wanting to give up at times and wondering where the heck the JOY is in this life and sometimes just wanting to throw in the towel and say I’m done, I think it’s totally ok to feel that way…..for awhile. Sometimes it takes a long journey to find ourselves, our truth, our way and our joy. My prayers to you and your family that you have peace and healing and strength to fight and to overcome.
I love that video, have seen it before and you definitely live in a beautiful area. …I’m just south of you, down in my own beautfiul place of Dixie ….surrounded by mountains and red sand!!
Hope you have a wonderful, JOY filled week, even through the hard stuff.
Love this post and you! You have such a way with words. Here’s hoping that 2013 is a year of hope and recovery.
Love you!! You can do this! All of us falter and waver especially when we are stuck in the middle of a storm and when it seems you are at the deepest and darkest moments! Even the Savior felt forsaken when the Father had to leave him alone in the Garden of Gethsemane. But you can and will do this with just as much grace as you have done it so far. I love your guts…especially the broken ones, cause they have given me a deeper friendship with you.
xoxo
BB- i love this so much and it breaks my heart at the same time. I’m so sorry that I haven’t been a great friend.
You are the best. I can’t wait to see you and laugh with you soon! Love you!!! xoxoxo BB
I found this post so honest and touching. Thank you. I know I’ve had my moments when I’ve lost faith as well, and isn’t it beautiful to know that whenever we decide to reclaim our faith, our Savior is right there ready to take our hand? Faith and its realization are so amazing, and I know that yours can carry you through the finale of this trial.
One of the most honest, sweet, truthful, inspiring posts I’ve ever read.It’s amazing that something as seemingly light and flimsy as a straw can break a camel’s back, but pile on enough straws and it will happen. Thank heavens we can heal, but it is often a long, tiring, frustrating road. Without gear like friends, family and the Savior, I fear we’d never make it. This mountain of yours you’re climbing? Just imagine the view when you get to the top. Love you. xoxo
Lara,
You will never know how many lives you have touched. I came to your blog initially for the crafting but stayed because of you – who you are, a daughter of our magnificent Heavenly Father, who has been blessed with with gift of powerful writing that draws people in, a sister in Christ separated by miles but still living in Zion. I don’t think you realize just how many people are praying for you, how many love you – I know love is a strong word for a “blog stalker” to use but it would be true. I am sure that I am not the only person who visits your blog daily hoping that you have posted so we may be uplifted by your testimony of your trial and the perserverance you show – that this shall not over come you, your family and who you are. I too suffer from some medical problems with another major surgery looming in the future and you give me hope on my gray days that I too may survive and overcome the trial placed before me. I gently, oh so very gently, wrap my arms around you in care, pray for you and give you to our Heavenly Father daily that your needs – physical, emotional and spiritual shall be met by Heavenly Father, the church leadership (aren’t we lucky to be members of this wonderful church!), family and friends.
You are the most amazing person that I know. I love that you keep it real and share your inward feelings. You are a girl that I so admire for sharing no matter how hard it may be for you. You have my heart and prayers for each step you take. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better but we both know that can’t happen. I think it is healing to talk about what bothers ones self. When I lost my husband to colon cancer I know it felt better to talk about his suffering and our happy life all rolled up into one. It gave me peace in my heart and helped to heal me in many ways. I may not know the answers for our suffering but I do believe we must have faith. I love the poem “Footprints in the Sand” as it says it all. He will carry us when it is needed. We will continue to pray for you and await for your next posting.
I am so sorry for your struggles. Thank you for sharing the video. I have felt very alone and discouraged at times as well. I will pray for you and your complete recovery, body and spirit.
Thank you so much sweet Lara, I needed this today. You are one of my heroes. I know you can get through this. I will pray extra hard for you today.
I read your blog off and on, I read this today and I must say – you, you are a brave gal. Keeping your joy is so hard at times, but its worth it. I will keep you in my thoughts, I will pray you heal. <3
This post shows how you have already started your climb. Very inspiring and so down to earth all at the same time! My parents have known your mom for years… your dad for longer. A year ago, your mom included your blog in her letter to my parents. My dad emailed it to me and I filed it away. When this year’s Christmas letter came, and some vague references were made to your extremely challenging year, my mom who is not quite up to technology yet (just got her 1st iPhone) had me scour my email to find the link. Good thing about that is I’m an email hoarder… it’s a problem until someone needs some random information that I can find with a single search word in my inbox. Anyway, I digress… I poured through your blog to try to determine what had been going on, relayed the info to my mom, showed her your video (she cried), and then subscribed for 2 reasons… to update her and because I genuinely loved your blog. I’m glad to see you are considering keeping it up and wish you love and success as you continue to undertake your mountainous journey. Won’t the view be great when you get to the top!!
Your perseverance is inspiring! I pray that as you rest physically, you will be able to rest in HIM knowing that he is and will see you through this. Thank you for being real and know that you have numerous friends you’ve never met praying for you.
I finally had time to watch this clip…..glad I had some tissues. Now I’m just hoping that no one walks by and wonders what is wrong with me!
Hope you are having a fantastic sunny day!
eventhough we do not know each other, i think of you often, enjoy reading your posts (often in tears) and feel as if i am on this journey with you. there are many others like myself who are “your gear”. keep your chin and faith up. god bless.
What a wonderful post. I am glad you are working on getting better. Please remember that there are prayers flying all around you, and friends,both known and unknown, that would love to hug you, but know it would hurt. Try to keep your chin up, and we will be here when you decide to drop us a note again.
I’m so sorry you are having to go through all this and that this road has been suck a long, rough, bumpy, painful one. You are such a wonderful person and I sure hope the light is coming to the end of the tunnel really soon! You can do this! You haven’t fought and gone this far to stop and turn around now! Praying for better days ahead. Love you lady!!! XOXOXO
PS- I laughed out loud at your “smelling all outdoorsy” statement! I do like to be outside but I always tell Travis he smells like the outdoors when he comes in and he thinks I’m nuts! He is like, what does the outdoors smell like? And I can’t describe it so I am glad I am not the only one that can smell the outdoors.
I just want to hug you right now Lara! You motivate me- to be and do better!!! Love ya to pieces!
I love your blog! I love how honest you are, and funny at the same time. I, too, am going through many physical struggles and have gone to your blog to buoy myself up. Thank you for helping me through my hard times!
Elle I remember reading your blog I guess last year when you shared your medical condition and how it had affected your life and how you hoped this new surgery would help correct some of the problems. At that time I thought wow this girl is strong, upbeat, honest and inspiring. Guess what I still think all thoses things. You’re still here and sharing your story. I’m sorry that your road got rougher this past year. I have thought about you many times wondering how it was going and thought did I miss a blog post that updated your situation since I’m not always so timely in my reading.
Sending more prayers and hugs your way in hopes 2013 will provide some Relief and much Joy. Hugs from Texas
I just went back and started looking and realized I have missed several of your posts prior. That’s what I get for getting behind in reading. Geez.
^^lifting you up^^…. xx
Fabulous post. Keep getting better. So many are cheering you on.
love love love love love your blog. love your spirit and grace. i dont care if you post once a day or once every five years, each and every time i will gobble them up in joy.
tinamarie
Don’t give up. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
I stumbled upon your blog, now I don’t even remember how
But I just read your post about your health and can’t help myself from piping up… I’m a month behind, but thought you may see this anyhow. I do not know all your world entails, but I wanted to give you a virtual hug, because I know how hard it is to live in a world where things like going to the bathroom are in the center of it. Life, that ‘easy little thing’, can be very difficult at times (as you obviously know!). Especially when you are driving down the street after dropping your child off at daycare, crying because you didn’t make it to the bathroom, again… (I have ulcerative colitis and i tell ya, I have shat my pants waaay more times than I care to admit!). I don’t know if this will make you feel any better, but I sure hope that you pull through this and make it back into your full swing. Hugs are being sent your way, even if they are sappy virtual hugs from a stranger in Idaho! 