Hi dedicated LCMF readers.  It sure seems like it’s been a long time since we talked.  (and it has…I’m sorry)

In April we had the SNAP! Conference.  I went last year...kinda as I was just getting really sick.  I WAAAAAAY over did it.  But I still had a great time, got to teach a class, and do TONS of stuff for the conference.  Seriously, it was like crack to me.  I die for that kind of thing.

This year, hubs put the foot down.  And hard!  He made me call sweet Tauni (who is over the conference) and tell her that I would not be there for anything but opening registration and my class.  It was a phone call I dreaded for weeks.  And when I hung up….I cried for an hour.

So I did get to go for registration.  There was no soft chairs to be had.  I stood for 4 hours.  (a record…) I think these are the only photos taken of me.

I’m up there on the VERY top row…..you can barely see me!

After that 4 hours….I had to come home.  I missed the parties,  and the speakers and everything.  But I did get to put on my pink shirt and turquoise zebra striped Toms.  And that made me feel really great.

The next day I got to speak on a panel about branding.  You may not know this….but it’s a SUPER big passion of mine.  I do logo design and business branding consulting through my design business Announced Design.  As tired as I was….I couldn’t pass up this chance to share my passion.  I got the most boring topic, the technical stuff.  But I love helping people learn that stuff.  I taught myself.  And I think anyone can learn.

That night I BEGGED the hubs to reconsider and let me stay overnight.  And I think (to avoid a divorce) he said yes.

But after standing for our class and sitting for dinner.  I KNEW….I just knew I had made a mistake.

Why am I sharing all this with you?

Well, there’s a BIG lesson I am trying to learn.  I used to sing a song about it back when I started taking voice lessons.

“I can’t do everything.  I know because I’ve tried.  I told myself I could.  And then found out I lied”
–Michael McLean

I’ve finally (after a year of fighting it) decided that if I can’t blog. I just can’t. It used to weigh so heavy on my mind. And now I’ve decided it will come back when I can bring it back. Even though I have a million projects and ideas in my mind…it’s probably more important to heal. And when I have energy, it’s probably more important to draw with my 6 year old. Or help my 10 year old with his homework. They both are struggling through this as much as I am. They haven’t had a real Mommy for a year now.

But even more than that…

I learned that people care about me.  I got so many hugs.  People freaked out that I was there.  Even if it was just for a few hours.  Girls left to take me home.  (girls that I love, and adore)  I realized that I might not be forgotten.  My pageviews, any revenue, my status as a blogger….they are all superficial.  And one day I can fix them.

Life is about family.  And super great friends.

• I had the opportunity to let some tears flow. (sorry if you were on the receiving end of those)
• I got some amazing pep talks.
• I laughed ’til my whole body hurt. (which just required a little extra percocet)
• I met people who were willing to share their struggles with me.
• I saw old friends who gave me soft hugs
• I never carried my own luggage.  Because someone always took it for me.
• I got to share my passions…and meet new people in the process.

We can’t do everything peeps.  If you’re in bed.  If you’re preggers.  If you’re working.  If you’re raising kids.  If you’re in school.  If you are living….you can’t do everything.  And good friends will be supportive of that.  Because that’s what friends do.  They love you just the way you are.  Shortcomings and everything.

And when I learned, a few weeks ago that my healing is not going as planned (and we’re heading back to Phoenix for more testing and possible surgery #5)  After family….I just wanted to talk to my friends. They let me whine over Skype.  And they told me how much they love me.  That’s all I needed to feel peace again.

When I came home…there was a marathon of The Golden Girls running.  I kinda love that show.  In High School we used to pretend we would be the Golden Girls one day.  Only I had to be Dorothy, because my Mom is single and I’d have to bring her along to be Sophia.  (I wanted to be Blanche…obvs.  tee hee)

So to all the amazing people at SNAP!, to my amazing friends and family, and to all my loyal readers that have waited a year with me…

“Thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road and back again. Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidant.  And if you threw a party.  Invited everyone you knew.  You would see…..the biggest gift would be from me.  And the card attached would say “thank you for being a friend“

So this is my blog: Less Cake {more frosting}.
I started a family blog in 2007. And blogged on it once a week religiously for over 3 years. Usually it was family stuff. But sometimes it was just goofy stuff I wanted to say. Or stuff I made that I wanted to show off and have my Mom and sister tell me that I rock. (I make them do that a lot)

But in 2010 I kinda had a banner year. And I wanted to do something just for me. (and not have my kids on the internet so much) So the family blog became private and I started Less Cake {more frosting}.

You might be new to this blog and wondering why 2010 was so important to me. Or why I’m writing this post at all.

• I pretty much break it down in this post from almost EXACTLY a year ago: The One Where I Define TMI

Before that post.  I was a regular “creative” blogger.  I made stuff.  I wrote a tutorial.  I hoped someone would see it, or pin it, or whatever.  I wrote anywhere from 3-5 times a week.  And I made my family miserable with my obsession over e-mails and Facebook, and posting, and deadlines.

After that post.  I got in bed.  And pretty much stayed there. I got up sometimes. Went out sometimes. But by about 3pm I was in bed for sure.

I had my first major surgery in May.  On my birthday.

That surgery? Not so much. I got WAY worse. I got in bed and didn’t get out unless it was for a doctor appointment, or to fly to Arizona to see my specialist team.

Another surgery in Arizona in September was also a great big bust.  (the surgery was a bust….I also have a great big bust…but that’s a story for another day)

That left the big ‘ol doozie surgery.  January 8th.  In Arizona. 5 doctors. 7 hours, on a 45 degree angle (my hubs said you couldn’t see the bridge of my nose when I came out because my face was so swollen.  They also had to cut off my wedding ring. Frownie face.)

Photo Credit

So, I guess the “Elephant in the Room” is where the heck have ‘ya been?  And are you better?  And is LCMF over?

The short answers are:

• on drugs
• starting to
• not sure

I vowed at the beginning of this journey to do it right.  To learn things to become better.  And to “Choose Joy”, just like my bracelet says.  (which I still wear every day….PS)

But when I came home from Arizona, after 2 weeks there, I got a horrible kidney infection.  And was at the hospital for IV anti-biotics.

For some reason that last thing, that one little last slap in the face was all I could handle.

I told joy to get the hell out of my vocabulary because I was picked on.  And this sucked.  And I didn’t deserve it.  And my life was ruined.  And my kids were suffering.  And my marriage would never be the same.  And my friends had moved on.  And I had now gained 80 pounds.  (should I go on?  I could)

I want to say that I had an immediate overwhelming moment where I found joy again.  Right away.  But that’s not how this story goes.  I’ve felt that way for months.  Lonely. Depressed. Overwhelmed.  Picked on. Forgotten. Utterly alone.

Until just the other day when I remembered this quote.  I’ve used it before.  And I bet I’ll use it again.

 

“I have been driven many times to my knees
by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere to go.
My own wisdom,
and that of all about me,
seemed insufficient for the day.”
~Abraham Lincoln

 
 
I have to admit.  This didn’t fix everything.  But it did make my heart start to soften, back to the knowledge that I cannot do this on my own.  I MUST trust in those around me, as well as those above me to traverse through this life challenge I have been given.
 
My Mom (who….well…one day I will write a post on and you will want to hug her and be her BFF for life) suggested I look up a short video on our church’s website.  Now we may not be of the same faith.  But if you believe in a God.  You will benefit from this message.  I promise.  PLEASE take the time to watch it.
 
 

 
 
Our church has a conference every 6 months during which we get to hear from our leaders.  Much as the Pope does periodically.  This talk was given by Henry B. Eyring, one of those leaders.  When I heard the talk initially, I KNEW in my heart that my trial was coming, and that it was going to be a big one.

My favorite quote from this section:
 

if the foundation of faith is not embedded in our hearts….
the power to endure will crumble.
–Henry B. Eyring

 
This quote applies to all of us. Of all faiths. Of no particular religion. We must have faith to endure this life.  We must have faith in

• Ourselves
• Our families
• Our friends
• Those seen and unseen

I lost faith.  That was the problem.

Is my ordeal over?  No.  But there are people around me who KNOW that being in bed for a whole year is a hard trial.  I must have faith that they will continue to bear me up as I fight this battle.

I beg you to call upon your faith as well.  Your joy.  As you fight battles much harder than mine.  Or maybe just different.  We each have that one thing that we struggle with.

Now many of you know I live in the Salt Lake Valley in Utah.  This is my home.

It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?

I am surrounded by gigantic mountains on all sides.  I also grew up in a valley very similar.  Just smaller.  I am used to looking at mountains.  (to be honest the ocean kinda scares me.  There’s just water and water…eeek!)

The above video also mentions mountains….
I thought the mountain to climb was the surgery.  But I’m thinking the mountain to climb, is back to a new life.  And to succeed I must endure the climb.
I have no climbing gear people! I hate the outdoors! (Uh oh, some of you just unfriended me….right?)  It’s true though.  It makes you smell all….out-doors-ee.  Gah!

I digress…

It’s gonna be awful hard to climb a mountain without gear.  So I’m counting on:

• My Doctors
• My Friends
• My Family
• My Faith
• My Savior

To be my gear.  And God willing, one day….this too shall pass.  And then all I’ll be able to do is wait for the next test.  Because there always is one….. in the class we call life.